Splintering (Link Click, Lu Guang/Cheng Xiaoshi, rated E, 1/3)

[outstretched]

Title: Splintering (1/3)
Rating: E
Word Count: (this chapter) 5,204; (entire fic) 15,586
Genre: Character Study, Drama, Romance
Fandom: Link Click
Characters: Cheng Xiaoshi/Lu Guang
Warnings: Cheng Xiaoshi/male OC, Gender dysphoria, Pronoun confusion, Dissociation, Panic attacks (in detail), Self-harm (scratching, brief), FTM Lu Guang, Voyeurism (Lu Guang), Inability to consent due to lack of information (male OC), Dubious consent that shades more towards noncon (Cheng Xiaoshi), Service top/topping from the bottom Lu Guang, and a metric ton of pining
Summary:

Lu Guang licked his lips. His eyes tracked across Cheng Xiaoshi's face—his dark eyes, his cheekbones, lingering for a second on his mouth before flicking away.

"For this case," he explained, "You have to have sex."

Notes: Thank you to my friend danteriordan who basically did this to me.

I wrote this fic before watching season 2. If you've only watched Season 1, congrats, you have all the context you need for this fic. But in case you've seen all of season 2 or beyond, this fic is set (major spoilers, highlight to read) during their first timeline, before Lu Guang jumps back in time.

Please read the warnings. There's really a lot going on in this fic with regards to gender, agency, and consent. For detailed content notes that will spoil the story, click here.

This fic took a village. Thank you to Danteriordan, Jules, Ken, Jimheps, Chambery, and Wizard for the brainstorming, cheerleading, fact checking, and hand holding. Thank you to Rai, Crim, and Jules for the beta.

I was determined to get this out before June ended. HAPPY PRIDE!!!

(—Jumping through photographs, jumping through bodies: a discussion of gender through time travel.)



Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three | Fic Tag

Now:

Lu Guang hesitated when they first received the job.

That in and of itself wasn't unusual. He always gave each job careful consideration. But when he came out of his blue-eyed trance, he was wearing an unreadable expression that Cheng Xiaoshi had never seen on him before.

"What do you think?" Cheng Xiaoshi asked, raring to go, as usual—

—and Lu Guang hesitated. He glanced at Cheng Xiaoshi before turning to Qiao Ling, who was waiting a few steps away.

"Would you give us a minute?" Lu Guang asked, and pushed Cheng Xiaoshi into the darkroom.

"Hey!" Cheng Xiaoshi stumbled in, pulling away once they were inside and dusting himself off. "Take it easy. What's the problem? Are you about to start rattling off the three rules again? Trust me, I already—"

Lu Guang shook his head, raising a hand. Cheng Xiaoshi fell silent.

Lu Guang licked his lips. His eyes tracked across Cheng Xiaoshi's face—his dark eyes, his cheekbones, lingering for a second on his mouth before flicking away.

"For this one," he said, "You'd have to...have relations." When Cheng Xiaoshi stared at him, he added, "Intimate relations."

Cheng Xiaoshi's brow furrowed. "I have no idea what you're talking about. Just spit it out."

Lu Guang huffed. "You'd have to have sex," he said.

Cheng Xiaoshi's breath stopped in his throat, then he started to cough. Lu Guang didn't move to touch him. He just watched with a slight frown until he recovered himself.

"What body?" Cheng Xiaoshi asked.

Lu Guang's frown deepened. Maybe he'd expected him to chicken out right away. Take that, Cheng Xiaoshi thought, smug. You don't know me that well after all.

"Female," Lu Guang answered.

"And the partner?"

"Male."

Cheng Xiaoshi considered it, folding his arms and leaning his weight back on one leg. The clock in the darkroom ticked. Lu Guang's expression didn't change, flat and impassive to those who didn't know him well. But Cheng Xiaoshi knew the tiny lines around his eyes that said annoyed, the tiny pull at the corners of his mouth that said worried.

"Just one partner, right?" Cheng Xiaoshi said.

The lines at Lu Guang's mouth eased. The lines around his eyes furrowed more. "Yes," Lu Guang replied, "You'd be in a woman's body, having sex with a man." He paused. "Can you do it?"

Cheng Xiaoshi tapped his chin. "I mean, I've always wondered what it's like for the girl," he said. "Who hasn't?"

Lu Guang didn't roll his eyes, but only because he caught himself in time. Cheng Xiaoshi smirked.

"This isn't about your fantasies," Lu Guang said. "This case has lives on the line."

Cheng Xiaoshi deliberated a little longer. It occurred to him that he'd have to touch a man's naked body, and he frowned. "I'm not gay," he said.

Lu Guang didn't even deign to give that a response. "Can you do it or not."

Cheng Xiaoshi grinned. "I'm in!" he said. "Let's do it."

Lu Guang blinked and cleared his throat. If his skin turned pink, it was impossible to tell in the red lamplight.

"All right," he said. "Let's tell Qiao Ling."

--

Then:

"How about this?" Cheng Xiaoshi said, spinning his laptop around to show Lu Guang the bunk bed listing he'd found online. "This way, we'll have enough room to each have our own desk, too. What do you think?"

His eyes were shining. Lu Guang's heart clenched in his chest, a familiar ache. He looked at the screen instead.

The beds themselves looked wider than the narrow cot he slept on now. He suspected that his quilt would be just the right size. Then he thought of spending every night with Cheng Xiaoshi above him, every night spent watching the soft depression his body would make in the mattress, and his mouth opened.

"I'm taking the top bunk," Lu Guang said.

"What! You can't take the top bunk, this is my house!"

"If I'm the guest," he retorted, "shouldn't I get the best bed?"

"You—!" Cheng Xiaoshi glared at him, his hand clenching on the edge of his laptop. He huffed. "You haven't even said if you agree to it!"

"I agree," Lu Guang said, "but only if I get the top bunk."

He was right: his quilt, divided into neat white squares with nearly-invisible white thread, did fit perfectly. The bunk bed's frame creaked and swayed when he climbed the ladder and settled himself, but Cheng Xiaoshi never complained. Lu Guang could hear when he tucked himself in—the small animal noises as he burrowed into the sheets, and his breaths slowly evening out into sleep—but his body at rest remained mostly a mystery.

Lu Guang breathed out, agonized and relieved in equal measure, and closed his eyes.

--

Now:

"The three rules—"

"I know," Cheng Xiaoshi groaned.

"—one," Lu Guang continued over his protest, "you only get twelve hours. Two, follow my lead and change nothing—"

"Are you gonna tell me what to do when I'm in bed, too?" he asked with a sly grin. Lu Guang's mouth pulled into an unimpressed line.

"Why, will you need the help?" he fired back.

There was a flutter of anxiety in his stomach at the question. "N-no, of course not," he snapped, and watched Lu Guang's brow furrow.

"If you don't want to do it—"

"We already took the down payment, so—"

"We can give it back."

"Qiao Ling won't like that."

"She'll live," Lu Guang said, shortly. "Stop dodging the question. Are you sure you want to go ahead with this?"

Cheng Xiaoshi opened his mouth, the irritated Yes forming on his tongue, before he paused with impending realization. "Wait. You're going to be in my head for this."

Lu Guang raised a nonplussed eyebrow. Obviously.

"So, I mean," he said, "when I'm doing it, you're going to be watching."

"I already saw it when I looked at the photo the first time," he pointed out.

"Yeah, but," Cheng Xiaoshi fumbled, waving an inarticulate hand, "now I'll be in there, so..."

There was a pause. When it was apparent that was the end of the statement, he Lu Guang drew a breath. "We've watched people get murdered."

Cheng Xiaoshi could feel his face getting hot. "That's not what I—"

"I can keep things professional," Lu Guang said cooly. "Can you?"

He grit his teeth. "Of course."

Lu Guang watched him for another moment. Cheng Xiaoshi did his best to maintain an expression that could rival Lu Guang's well-practiced poker face.

"You're sure," he said one last time.

Cheng Xiaoshi groaned, flopping into his desk chair. He held out a hand, palm up. "I'm sure. Come on, let's start."

--

Then:

Cheng Xiaoshi was laughing at his expense, as usual, moving around below as Lu Guang lay on the top bunk. Thinking of a retort, Lu Guang rolled over and sat up, only to freeze as soon as he caught sight of Cheng Xiaoshi.

Cheng Xiaoshi was turned away and in the middle of taking his shirt off. Lu Guang's eyes raked over his triceps and shoulders, the casual curve of his spine, the way his dark hair fluffed out when it popped out of the collar of his shirt. His skin caught the morning light spilling through the windows. Lu Guang tracked the gleam of it down his body until his gaze stopped at the dark band of Cheng Xiaoshi's underwear, just peeking out from beneath his basketball shorts.

"It's so hot," he complained. "But it's too early to turn on the AC. Who wants to pay that kind of electric bill already?"

There was a pocket of silence. Cheng Xiaoshi turned, curious, to see Lu Guang lying on his back in bed and staring at the ceiling.

"Oh," he said, realizing, "it must be even hotter up there, huh." There was another beat, and then he grinned. "Bet you wish you'd asked for the bottom bunk now, don't you?"

Lu Guang didn't reply. Cheng Xiaoshi huffed, "Fine," and moved to the desk to flip open his laptop.

Lu Guang waited until he was certain he had himself under control before he moved. He climbed down from his bed, his bare feet nearly soundless on the ladder's bamboo rungs, and left the room. A few minutes later he slid a glass of ice water beside Cheng Xiaoshi's hand, cool condensation beading down the sides, and then retreated upstairs. The bathroom door shut behind him with a soft click.

--

Now:

Cheng Xiaoshi was in a woman's body, sitting in the passenger's seat next to her husband. Her husband seemed relaxed, pleased after a dinner-and-a-movie evening out. The woman felt happy too, a pulse of pleasure thrumming beneath Cheng Xiaoshi's active control. It wasn't the giddy adrenaline of a crush that Cheng Xiaoshi had felt from other bodies; this felt more like a soft, steady affection. When she caught sight of her husband, he could almost hear her sigh, Ah, there you are.

No wonder she wouldn't give her husband up. Despite the man's wrongdoings, at least he was good to his wife.

[She takes a nap in the car,] Lu Guang's voice slipped into his thoughts. [You can use the time to relax, if you want.]

Cheng Xiaoshi leaned the car seat back.

"Ate too much?" her husband teased. "That's okay, you can rest. I'll wake you up when we get home."

Cheng Xiaoshi gave a tired smile. "Thank you," she said, and closed her eyes to worry in silence. He was grateful that Lu Guang couldn't read anything from him, like how Cheng Xiaoshi could for the bodies he inhabited.

He'd never actually had sex before, was the thing. He'd barely even watched porn, or touched himself; it had never seemed appealing, even when he was a teenager living alone. He never seemed to feel the urges or pressure that his classmates seemed to feel, and besides, he'd been so ostracized in high school that there was no way he could have pursued anyone. His only option would have been Qiao Ling, and the thought was as repulsive as kissing his sister would have been, if he'd had one.

He'd tried to do some...research...in the time before they'd started the dive, but it was difficult when he and Lu Guang practically lived cheek by jowl. Besides, the porn he found all seemed so fake, the girls screaming and gushing fluids everywhere, the guys focused on mugging for the camera and saying mean things to their partners. Cheng Xiaoshi didn't think any of that would be applicable to the kind of cozy relationship this woman had with her husband.

Or, maybe it would. Who knew. He kind of hoped not, though.

After this, would he still count as a virgin? Did it only count if it was your own body? He had no idea, and he'd die before asking Lu Guang.

[What's wrong,] Lu Guang muttered.

Speak of the devil.

[It's nothing,] he thought back. He shook his head a little, slowly as if trying to find a more comfortable position, and closed his eyes.

--

Then:

The shower spray was pounding on Lu Guang's shoulders, drowning out the sound of his panting breaths.

His fingers rubbed tight, quick circles against the base of his dick, and he bit his lip to stifle the noise that it wrung out of him. He thought of Cheng Xiaoshi's strong hands, the plump swell of his forearms, the hollows of his elbows. His bunched shoulders and the lean muscles of his back, tapering down to his narrow hips.

Lu Guang tried to only touch him when Cheng Xiaoshi needed it the most, when he was shaking with tears or fury, and during those times his body felt strong with muscle. As Lu Guang's hands moved across his shaking shoulders, he could feel the soft tickle of vellus hair on his skin, invisible to the eye. His body was skinny in a way that made Lu Guang anxious to feed him.

Lu Guang sped up, switching to a subtle pinching motion with his middle and ring fingers around the shaft, his other fingers spreading out and massaging the surrounding flesh. His hips rocked with the motion and he hastened his strokes. His other hand reached up to rub softly against a nipple, slippery from the pouring water, and his breath caught.

He imagined Cheng Xiaoshi's mouth pursing around noodles as he ate, blowing cooling breaths across the surface of the broth. He imagined his lips stretching into a smile, sharp and mocking and sunny by turns. The force of Cheng Xiaoshi's attention. The way he could feel when his focus lasered in on Lu Guang, even when he was in a dive, separated by distance and time. When Cheng Xiaoshi listened to him, it felt like nothing else mattered.

The water made the motion of his hand slick and easy. He spread his legs as he felt himself riding up to the edge.

Cheng Xiaoshi, his throat bobbing as he drank the water Lu Guang had brought him. Licking his lips, pink and wet, the refreshed sigh bursting from his throat when he was done. What would his mouth feel like on—

He gave a grunt as he came. His teeth sunk hard into his lower lip, the flare of pain sweetening the pleasure stringing through his body. He braced one forearm against the far wall and felt the water spatter against his back as he panted.

He remained there, his breaths evening out, his eyelids fluttering as they stayed closed. Enjoying the moment. Orgasm was one of the only times that his brain felt clean and quiet, cudgeled by pleasure into a languid silence. It never lasted more than a minute or two, but Lu Guang savored every second. No anxiety, no thoughts of past or future, just a time to soak in the feeling and feel his entire body relax.

After a few moments, he opened his eyes and stood back, rinsing his hands under the spray before turning the shower off. He stood there, dripping, the sudden silence as thick in the air as the shower's lingering humidity.

He had to go back to reality, he knew. Had to do his morning tasks to prepare the store for opening. Had to go back downstairs, to Cheng Xiaoshi.

He stepped out of the shower, toweling off and dressing in the fresh clothes he had brought with him. He put on his slippers and opened the door, the cooler air hitting him in the face. He inhaled deep, the cold snap refreshing against his skin.

"Finally done?" Cheng Xiaoshi called up to him. "Your showers always take forever."

"If you were waiting, you could have used the downstairs bathroom," Lu Guang said, coming down the stairs. Cheng Xiaoshi watched as he descended.

"Nah," he said. He gestured to the half-empty glass on the table. "Thanks for the water."

Lu Guang nodded. "Want breakfast?"

He cocked his head, considering. "Need help with it?"

"No. I'll call you when it's ready."

Cheng Xiaoshi nodded, turning back to his laptop. It felt like a physical brush against his skin as his attention fell away.

Lu Guang exhaled, then headed down to the first floor to serve the rice cooker porridge he'd started the night before.

--

Now:

"You must be tired," her husband said as he opened the door to their apartment. "You can use the bath first."

[Invite him to bathe with you,] Lu Guang said.

Cheng Xiaoshi stiffened, and her husband noticed, turning towards her. "What? Does your stomach hurt from dinner?"

"Noooo," she said, fluttering her eyelashes. She put a hand to her cheek and sighed, "I was just thinking how lonely I'd be if I had to take a bath all by myself."

If Lu Guang had any opinions of Cheng Xiaoshi's flirtation skills, he said nothing. Her husband gave a warm laugh. He stepped closer, wrapping his arms around her waist. "Sounds like you're not tired at all."

"After such a nice dinner," she said, smiling up at her husband in a way Cheng Xiaoshi desperately hoped didn't betray any nerves, "how could I not want dessert?"

Her husband cupped her cheek as he leaned down, and folded her into a sensual kiss. Cheng Xiaoshi stifled a gasp; the pressure was warm, and after a moment he remembered to pucker her lips to return the kiss. Her husband chuckled and turned to press her against the wall. His tongue flickered against her mouth. Cheng Xiaoshi squeaked, and his tongue slid inside, garbling the noise. It felt weird, tingling throughout her body. He could feel her heartbeat quickening. He locked her elbows, her hands dangling limp by her sides.

"Don't be shy, darling," her husband murmured, breaking the kiss to smile into her eyes. He reached down and pulled her arms up until they were loosely wrapped around his shoulders. Then his hands moved to cup her bottom, and Cheng Xiaoshi's eyes widened.

"Hup," her husband said, and in the next moment he'd picked her up off the ground. She squeaked, her arms squeezing tight around his shoulders, pressing their upper bodies together. Her breasts squished against her husband's chest, another strange sensation for Cheng Xiaoshi to grapple with. His laugh was warm in her ear.

"There we go," he said. "Good girl."

Cheng Xiaoshi swallowed hard, feeling her cheeks flaming red, and buried her face in her husband's shoulder.

[Shut up,] he thought furiously.

[You're doing well,] Lu Guang replied.

[I said, shut up!]

Her husband adjusted her until Cheng Xiaoshi's legs were wrapped around his waist, and then carried her that way to the bath, dropping kisses onto her face as they went. He sat her down on the bathroom's low bench and unzipped her dress, kissing over every bit of skin as it was exposed. Her spine curled over her husband's head as he kissed down her quivering stomach; Cheng Xiaoshi tried to stifle any noise, but restraining himself was proving difficult.

"Spread your legs for me," he said.

"What?" Cheng Xiaoshi gasped. "That's..."

He chuckled. "What's wrong? Normally you're so demanding. Don't you want to be spoiled, darling?"

Cheng Xiaoshi shook her head, squeezing her eyes shut as her husband's fingers trailed up her thighs, drawing her dress up as he crept further. Her skin blazed under his precise touches, and her throat tightened as the tingling sensation pooled in her groin.

There was gentle pressure on her knees, pushing them apart. Her husband eased into the space he made for himself there, smiling up at her. "There we go," he murmured. His eyes were full of affection, and that was somehow more embarrassing than the way he touched the dampness at the apex of her thighs. Cheng Xiaoshi's eyes flew open as fingers slipped over wet curls, her flesh parting open around them as they pressed in. The feeling was so alien, so strange, that she clutched at her husband's shoulders. "Stop!" Cheng Xiaoshi yelped.

Her husband froze immediately. "What's wrong? Did I hurt you?"

She shook her head, pushing against her husband's chest. Obligingly, he sat back on his heels, his hands falling away. She struggled to take a deep breath. "Bed," she gasped. "I want to do it in bed. Can we just shower first? Please?"

Her husband laughed, grasping one of her warding hands and lifting it to his lips. He pressed a kiss to the center of her palm. "There's my spoiled wife," he purred. "Of course we can. Do you want to finish undressing while I make sure the water is warm?"

Cheng Xiaoshi nodded, mute. He stood and fumbled to shove her dress down the rest of the way, grateful that her husband had already undone the zipper in the back. He fumbled for a moment with the bra, his hands flailing awkwardly behind him, before he gave up and shoved her underwear down first.

[It's a front clasp,] Lu Guang spoke up. [Between the breasts.]

[I know what a front clasp is!] Cheng Xiaoshi snapped. He found the tiny clasp and struggled to twist it open, feeling Lu Guang hovering silently in the back of his mind the entire time. [You're distracting me,] he snarled. [Go read a book or something.]

[...All right.] The feeling of Lu Guang's attention dimmed, and with a last flick of her wrist, the bra fell open, letting her breasts spill free. Cheng Xiaoshi shrugged it off, sliding it down her arms to fall on the ground next to her dress.

Naked now, Cheng Xiaoshi couldn't help but look down at herself, the foreign sight of bare breasts rising to partially obstruct his downward view. They moved with her breath. The nipples were pink and taut in the cool air, the areolas large and slightly shiny. Curious, he reached up to brush them, and gasped at the bolt of sensation it sent shooting through her. He felt something in his groin squeeze, adding a faint secondary echo of pleasure.

At her noise, her husband looked up to see her touching herself. He smirked. "Getting impatient?"

"N-no," she said, and tried for that coquettish smile again. "I can wait for you."

He laughed, testing the water against his palm. "I think it's warm enough," he said. "Ladies first."

Biting her lip, Cheng Xiaoshi stepped into the shower and turned away as her husband stepped in after her. He poured some shampoo into his palm and reached for her long hair. He gathered it with care and began to work the soap through it, gentle scrapes of his fingers against her scalp.

Oh. This was nice, actually. Cheng Xiaoshi made a thoughtless noise of bliss, her eyes closing.

"Feels good?" her husband murmured.

"Mmm," she agreed, leaning back against him. Her husband's hands moved down to the base of her skull, rubbing slow gentle circles, and Cheng Xiaoshi relaxed into the touch. She swayed back and forth as he rubbed the skin around her ears and temples, her eyes closed against the shampoo bubbles.

Lu Guang was paying attention again, but in his relaxed state, it didn't feel as embarrassing. She turned when her husband nudged at her shoulders and tilted her head up in response to gentle pressure against her chin. A few moments later, her husband was rinsing the soap out of her hair, running his fingers through the long brown strands and making sure not to catch on any tangles. "You're so beautiful," he said.

"O-oh," Cheng Xiaoshi breathed.

He felt Lu Guang's attention sharpen. Before he could get scolded, he said, [I—I know. He's talking to his wife, not to me. I'm not distracted.] He paused. [He really loves her, huh?]

[Yes,] Lu Guang replied, soft.

Her husband turned her body so her front was in the shower spray, letting her rinse the soap from her face as he reached for the conditioner. The water was warm against her front, and their bodies were slippery where they touched. Cheng Xiaoshi felt something hard pressing against her back as her husband leaned over her shoulder to reach for the bottle, but somehow it wasn't as scary as it was before. He was more familiar with male equipment, first of all, and secondly, the tender way her husband's hands moved across her skin was impossible to disregard. Cheng Xiaoshi shivered as the woman's love for her husband bubbled up inside of him, and in response her husband wrapped his arms around her, hugging her from behind.

"Getting cold? Should I make it warmer?"

"No," she said, "It's fine."

Her husband pressed a kiss to her neck. "That's good. Can you wash my back?"

They switched places, her husband washing his own hair with brisk efficiency, a contrast to the gentle touches he had showered on his wife moments before. Cheng Xiaoshi cast around for the soap, finding it in a dish in the far corner of the shower, before lathering it up and rubbing her husband's back with it. He thought about soaping up his back with her breasts, like he'd heard about from porn, but the woman's body was kind of short and he couldn't really envision how to move around to make it work anyway, so he just made wide circles with her hands. Her husband seemed happy enough, making pleased noises as she rubbed his shoulders.

[Is this first person POV as weird for you as it is for me?] he asked, staring at her husband's broad back.

[I think it's worse for you,] Lu Guang said. [I mostly have a bird's eye view, and you also have sensations.]

[I sure have sensations, all right,] Cheng Xiaoshi groused, her hands rubbing soap across her husband's pecs. Her husband hummed appreciatively, leaning back gently against her body. [He's going to want to stick it inside, isn't he?]

There was a pause. [Probably, yes. That's how heterosexual sex works.]

Her hands moved lower, roaming across her husband's abdomen. [Do you think I should—]

Cheng Xiaoshi was interrupted by a hand grabbing her wrist. "Not yet," her husband said, the smile clear in his voice. "You said you wanted to wait for bed, right? I can wait too."

The rest of the shower passed in a haze of lingering touches and occasional kisses, fleeting and soft enough that Cheng Xiaoshi started to acclimate to both. He even tried to hesitantly instigate a kiss, and was rewarded by her husband wrapping his arms around her waist, the kiss drawing out and deepening. Her husband's lips nibbled at hers until her mouth felt electrically charged with feeling. Cheng Xiaoshi could feel her body responding, her slippery-clean body pressing against her husband's on instinct. He fought back against an alien impulse to pin her husband's erection against her soft stomach and wriggle. He'd never felt an urge to wriggle before, in any context.

Her husband growled playfully into her ear. "I can't wait any longer, darling. Let's go to bed."

Anxiety spasmed in Cheng Xiaoshi's chest. [Your hair,] Lu Guang said almost at the same time.

[What?]

[Tell him that you have to dry your hair first.]

Cheng Xiaoshi felt a flare of relief. [Got it.]

It took thirty minutes for Cheng Xiaoshi finish the blow dry, clumsily dragging a brush through her long hair while Lu Guang tried to coach him on proper hair care. "And she does this every day?"

[Every few days,] Lu Guang replied, amused.

"I'm glad I'm not a woman." He ran fingers through her hair, doing a last check for damp spots, and clicked the dryer off with a sigh of relief. "That's as good as it's gonna get," he said. "What now?"

[Go to the bedroom,] Lu Guang murmured.

Cheng Xiaoshi stopped short, a shiver racing down his spine at those words in Lu Guang's voice, and caught sight of himself in the mirror. He was alone in a foreign bathroom and in a body he didn't recognize, but he felt a strange sense of deja vu—like his body was doubled, and part of him was back home with Lu Guang standing behind him, whispering those words into his ear.

Something fluttered in his stomach. He shook his head to chase the feeling away.

"Okay," he whispered back.

--

Then:

Lu Guang came back from errands to find Cheng Xiaoshi passed out on the couch.

He paused in the doorframe, watching him. One long leg was kicked up over the far end of the couch, and the other dangled off the edge, the sole of his sneaker flat on the floor. His upper body was a loose sprawl against the pillows, his arms flung up above his head. His long dark lashes fanned against his cheeks. The dark smudges beneath them stood out more than usual. They'd run several cases back to back, and both of them were exhausted.

It wasn't good to sleep in tight clothes, Lu Guang thought, staring at Cheng Xiaoshi's legs. His dark jeans practically looked painted on, they fit him so closely. He was sleeping in his jacket, too; he'd rumple it that way.

Lu Guang walked forward to stand over him. He bent down to run his fingers over Cheng Xiaoshi's hair, barely stirring the strands. Close up like this, he could hear his steady deep sighs as he breathed through his slack mouth, in and out.

His hand dropped back to his side. "Cheng Xiaoshi," he said at his normal volume. "Wake up. You'll catch a cold sleeping here. Go to bed properly if you want to sleep."

Cheng Xiaoshi's eyelids twitched. Lu Guang's hand moved down to his shoulder, shaking it. His nose scrunched, and he squeezed his eyes more tightly shut.

"Nooo," he groaned. "Just give me a blanket. Here's fine."

"It's not fine," Lu Guang said. "You'll feel better if you rest properly. Come on, get up."

Cheng Xiaoshi tried to burrow into the couch but Lu Guang wouldn't let him, shaking one shoulder, then his elbow, then pulling on his wrist with steady pressure until he staggered to his feet.

Lu Guang had been expecting more of a fight, honestly. Cheng Xiaoshi kept his eyes closed, a last trace of mulishness, as Lu Guang guided him up the stairs. He never let go of Cheng Xiaoshi's wrist, whose hand remained limp as he let himself be led.

He removed Cheng Xiaoshi's jacket, hanging it on the back of his desk chair as Cheng Xiaoshi fumbled his pants off. Lu Guang kept his eyes carefully averted, lifting the sheets so Cheng Xiaoshi could slip in. He was grateful all over again for Cheng Xiaoshi having the bottom bunk. He didn't know what he would have done if he had to try and heave him up the ladder.

He tugged the sheet up, floating it into the air. It drifted down to drape over Cheng Xiaoshi's body. Maybe he felt safer in his own bed, because he stretched luxuriously as the sheet settled on him. A pleased noise squeaked out of the back of his throat.

Lu Guang's lips pursed, and he pulled up the light coverlet too, since the air conditioning was on. Leaning down to tuck it in around Cheng Xiaoshi's shoulders, he saw that his dark eyes had opened to thin slits, just barely tracking Lu Guang through his lashes.

"Go to sleep," Lu Guang said, soft. "I'll mind the store."

Cheng Xiaoshi sighed, his eyes closing the rest of the way. "Okay," he mumbled, his body relaxing. "Thanks."

Lu Guang wanted so badly to run a hand across Cheng Xiaoshi's forehead, to smooth his disheveled hair. Instead, he looked. He leaned back on his heels, hands tucked into his pockets, and stared until he burned Cheng Xiaoshi's sleeping form into his memory. It was the middle of the day, and he was allowed to look. Lu Guang hardly dared to breathe from the weight of the privilege.

He spent a week distracted by the memory of Cheng Xiaoshi, sleepy and pliant, agreeing without any of his usual backtalk. His long fingers half-curled towards his palms. The shape of his legs beneath the sheets. The way Lu Guang was utterly dismissed as Cheng Xiaoshi drifted off to sleep, in a way that underlined his trust.

His sleepy eyes, his lax mouth whispering. Yes, Lu Guang. Just daydreams, breaking apart as soon as Lu Guang opened his eyes.

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