For every mile of ocean crossed ☆ (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
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thingwithfeathers2010-12-10 02:43 pm
outstretched) wrote in thingwithfeathers2010-12-10 02:43 pm
Entry tags:
Passage (QMi, one-shot)
Title: Passage
Rating: PG
Word Count: 2,047
Genre: not!AU, Romance, Fluff, Character Study
Fandom: Super Junior
Pairings: Zhou Mi/Kyuhyun
Warnings: none
Summary: Zhou Mi falls in love a little more gradually.
A/N: My half of a trade with![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
cascades (read hers here)! ♥ She wanted get-together not!AU fluff from Zhou Mi's POV. Additionally inspired by Stray Italian Greyhound by Vienna Teng and staring at the Hudson River for a really, really long time. Sequel to Shift. I'm not satisfied with my characterization here. I will try harder next time ;_;
Cross-Posts: DW & AO3.
Passage
The further he strays into the winter black, the farther away everything feels. Zhou Mi is three weeks into life in Seoul and he's hungry and tired and alone in a silent, echoing way that he can't shake.
The nights last too long and he spends too little of them sleeping, staying up under fluorescent lights, smiling until his muscles hurt because he doesn't want to open his mouth, because he doesn't know what else to do. He sits in an abandoned room, fits kimchi into his mouth and misses everything he knows.
This is what he wants, though, and he knows that.
He throws out the take-out container, straightens his shoulders, adjusts his smile in the mirror, and heads back out.
--
He makes friends, of course—it's always been easy for him to make friends—and things become easier after that.
Harder, too, when he sees what happens to Henry.
"You're going to debut with the new subgroup," management says. "Super Junior-M."
He smiles and says "Thank you" because it's a conditioned response by now.
After the meeting, he heads straight to a practice room. He warms up briefly before slumping against the wall, a water bottle dangling from his hands. He doesn't know what to work on. He has no idea what they're going to sing.
"You're going to drop it," someone says.
Zhou Mi looks up and sees Kyuhyun standing in the doorway. They're not friends—they're barely even acquaintances—but they're going to be together every minute of the day now, sharing stages, plane cabins, hotel rooms.
When his answer is too long in coming, Kyuhyun walks over and plucks the water bottle from his fingers. He moves beside him to lean against the wall, tapping an idle rhythm against the plastic container. He looks up at the ceiling; Zhou Mi looks down; there is silence.
Eventually Kyuhyun rolls his head in Zhou Mi's direction. His gaze flicks to the side, hovers somewhere around Zhou Mi's right cheekbone, finally decides to meet his eyes like it's supposed to. "It's not so bad," he begins. "It's not much different from this."
Zhou Mi ducks his head to smile at the floorboards. "Everyone's been kind to me," he returns. "It's been very helpful."
Kyuhyun makes a noncommittal noise and they lapse again into silence. Then Kyuhyun frowns.
"I'm sorry." Zhou Mi glances up. "It's bad," Kyuhyun continues. "It's going to be bad. But you'll be okay."
Zhou Mi's expression drops, and Kyuhyun's eyes wander back to the ceiling, pretending to ignore Zhou Mi's stare.
"At least you'll speak the language," Kyuhyun mumbles, and Zhou Mi laughs, surprised and humorless.
"Thanks," Zhou Mi says. He means it.
"You're welcome," Kyuhyun says, and leaves. Zhou Mi moves away from the wall and sings his audition solo. He's found that when he doesn't know what to do, it's best to go back to the beginning.
--
In China, he spends more time introducing the others than he spends introducing himself. Oh, and everyone hates him.
He's glad he's so good at smiling.
He stands next to Kyuhyun when he's not playing host and soon realizes that Kyuhyun spends a lot of time staring into space.
"What are you thinking about?" Zhou Mi whispers at last.
"Mario Kart" is the instant reply.
Zhou Mi turns, curious. "Who do you play?"
Kyuhyun blinks at him. "Peach," he says. When Zhou Mi laughs, he shakes his head. "My sister made me when we were kids and I got used to it. Who do you play?"
"Mario," he says. "I used to play on the N64."
"I still have mine in my room at home," Kyuhyun says, "but—"
Kyuhyun stops when Siwon nudges him and diverts his attention back to the show host. He turns to Zhou Mi for a translation and for the first time, Zhou Mi can't deliver because he wasn't listening, either. Han Geng jumps in and the awkward moment passes.
"Play you later," Kyuhyun says.
"I don't have a DS."
"Borrow Henry's."
So he does.
--
Ryeowook is making breakfast and Kyuhyun is being insufferable. He takes the eggs before Ryeowook can crack them into the bowl, steals bites of leftover rice, and turns the stove off when Ryeowook's back is turned.
Zhou Mi stops in the doorway, smiling at the scene but feeling like an intruder. He takes a step back and Ryeowook sees him. "Zhou Mi hyung," he says, "Help."
Zhou Mi laughs and pulls away from the doorframe when Kyuhyun turns to look at him. "Han Geng ge told me to wake everyone up," he says. "Want to help?"
Ryeowook heaves a sigh of relief.
Kyuhyun's idea of a wake-up call is to pelt Donghae and Henry with pillows until they retaliate. Zhou Mi backs away, laughing, as Henry leaps off the bed with his pillow raised over his head and Donghae tackles Kyuhyun from behind.
It's not a fair fight, though, because it's one against two. Zhou Mi's conscience prickles.
Donghae stumbles when a pillow slams into the back of his head. He turns to Zhou Mi, shocked, and Kyuhyun uses that moment to steal Donghae's pillow.
It's still not an even match: Zhou Mi's long limbs give him a natural advantage and Kyuhyun's the best fighter, anyway. They're about to win when Han Geng and Siwon burst in, pick Henry and Kyuhyun up, and drag them to the kitchen, where Ryeowook has been trying to call everyone to breakfast for the past ten minutes.
Donghae spends most of breakfast picking feathers out of his hair, and Kyuhyun spends most of breakfast grinning. So does Zhou Mi.
When Kyuhyun bumps his shoulder and asks him to pass the rice, their hands find each other conspiratorially under the table. Zhou Mi doesn't think about it. It feels natural, somehow.
--
Kyuhyun says something, but Zhou Mi can't hear it over the high-pitched whine of the plane's engines. "What?" he says.
Kyuhyun frowns and adjusts his headphone. "Stop moving so much," he says. "You keep pulling it out of my ear."
"Oh. Sorry," Zhou Mi says. He pauses for a moment, then says, "You listen to a lot of ballads."
"I sing a lot of ballads," he says. "I'm trying to find a good solo."
"'Forgive Me?'" Zhou Mi suggests.
Kyuhyun looks up, interested. "Who's it by?"
"Jam Hsiao." Zhou Mi digs out his iPod and swaps it with Kyuhyun's. "Here." Kyuhyun looks on curiously as Zhou Mi flips through his playlist. They fall quiet to listen, and Zhou Mi watches as Kyuhyun's eyes close and his finger taps the beat against the page.
"We're friends," Zhou Mi says suddenly.
Kyuhyun hums a few notes before he opens his eyes. "Of course we are," he replies.
--
Zhou Mi's hands are shaking, so he crosses his arms and tightens his fingers around his elbows, bows his head and smiles. Kyuhyun's hand is on his shoulder, squeezing harder the longer the show goes on.
In the dressing room, Zhou Mi lets out a long, slow breath and drops into a chair, his cheery expression splintering. He hears someone come in and he straightens, but Kyuhyun's already walking towards him.
Kyuhyun rests his hands on Zhou Mi's shoulders. They stare at each other in the mirror, both expressionless: Kyuhyun's that way by default, and Zhou Mi can't figure out what he wants his face to be saying right now.
"I like you," Kyuhyun says, and then his eyes narrow, unsatisfied. Zhou Mi watches as Kyuhyun licks his lips and tries to find the right words, but comes up empty.
"I like you too," Zhou Mi says after a while.
Kyuhyun stares at him for a moment before his mouth pulls into a half-smile. "Yeah."
Zhou Mi reaches up and grabs Kyuhyun's hands, pulling them down until their fingers overlap. "Just be yourself," he hears Kyuhyun say. "You'll be okay."
He nods, but doesn't let go.
--
Zhou Mi is washing the dishes. Kyuhyun is helping, and by helping he means returning every other plate Zhou Mi hands him to dry because he says it's not clean enough, and flicking dish water until Zhou Mi's clothing is damp and the soap makes him itchy for hours afterwards.
Zhou Mi sees Kyuhyun looking for him across the stage. When he finds him, he walks over and drags Zhou Mi back to the group. You belong here, he says with a glance. Zhou Mi rests an arm around his shoulders and leans on him as they listen to Han Geng. He whispers something, and Kyuhyun's eyelashes droop in acknowledgement.
Zhou Mi is half asleep when he feels Kyuhyun slip in beside him. He wordlessly shifts to make room, and Kyuhyun uses Zhou Mi's shoulder as a pillow and mumbles "Good night." They stay that way until morning.
Zhou Mi reaches for Kyuhyun, and Kyuhyun smiles and closes his eyes. Holding Kyuhyun's hand becomes the habit that Zhou Mi defaults to, leaving his smiles free to be heartfelt.
Zhou Mi is leaning on Han Geng's shoulder and laughing, laughing so hard, and he looks up and Kyuhyun is staring at him with an expression he's never seen before.
--
Zhou Mi and Kyuhyun are watching a late-night movie under the guise of tutoring. The movie is terrible, and they're both exhausted, and after a few minutes of silence Zhou Mi mumbles a question only to realize that Kyuhyun has fallen asleep. The TV casts shifting light on Kyuhyun's pale skin, illuminating the bumps and hollows of his too-thin wrist as it curls carelessly around Zhou Mi's arm, fingers clutched tight in his thin shirtsleeve.
Zhou Mi smiles and reaches up to brush Kyuhyun's hair away from his face. Kyuhyun doesn't move. The light flickers across his lips, and it's not the first time Zhou Mi has realized that Kyuhyun is beautiful, but it's the first time the thought has stuck in his throat.
Perhaps Kyuhyun's honesty has rubbed off on him—perhaps he simply doesn't feel the need to lie to himself. He dips his head, breathes in the scent of the stylists' shampoo, and pulls Kyuhyun a little closer.
"Okay," Zhou Mi breathes, his lips moving against the soft black strands.
--
Kyuhyun taps Zhou Mi's shoulder and points out beyond the stage. Zhou Mi shields his eyes from the glare and looks; Kyuhyun does too, pointing again. Finally, Zhou Mi sees his name transcribed in sapphire lights.
"You'll be okay," Kyuhyun says for the last time.
--
Kyuhyun is out practicing and Zhou Mi can't sleep. He stands up and crosses to the window, separating the blinds with two fingers and letting a shaft of light spill across his face. They're up on the hotel's highest floor, and from here Zhou Mi can see the whole city spread out, drawn in lights that reflect against the clouds.
When his cell phone buzzes, he bends to pick it up. I'm coming back, Kyuhyun's text message says.
Zhou Mi types, I'm here.
Why aren't you sleeping?
I'm waiting for you. ^^
You should sleep.
You should too! You haven't been sleeping well.
I've been thinking.
Zhou Mi perks up at that. About what?
There's no reply.
--
When Kyuhyun gets into bed, Zhou Mi tucks himself around him and says, softly, "About what?"
Kyuhyun stiffens, but doesn't say anything. Minutes tick by, it's warm under the covers, and Zhou Mi is tired, but he fights to keep his eyes open because Kyuhyun is wide-awake and wary in his arms.
Finally, he hears Kyuhyun take in a sharp breath, but all that follows is silence. His eyes are just starting to close when Kyuhyun says "I—" and stops.
Zhou Mi's eyes blink open again.
Kyuhyun reaches for Zhou Mi's hand. "I. I like you," he whispers, small.
Zhou Mi kisses the back of Kyuhyun's neck and listens to Kyuhyun's breath stutter. Then he does it again, just because he can. As Kyuhyun rolls to face him, he interrupts the movement by kissing his ear, his cheek, his nose, the corner of his mouth.
"I love you," Zhou Mi whispers in Chinese. He leans in and the last thing he sees are Kyuhyun's lips parting, illuminated by the dim light from the window.
// written 30 Nov 2010 to 6 Dec 2010
Rating: PG
Word Count: 2,047
Genre: not!AU, Romance, Fluff, Character Study
Fandom: Super Junior
Pairings: Zhou Mi/Kyuhyun
Warnings: none
Summary: Zhou Mi falls in love a little more gradually.
A/N: My half of a trade with
cascades (read hers here)! ♥ She wanted get-together not!AU fluff from Zhou Mi's POV. Additionally inspired by Stray Italian Greyhound by Vienna Teng and staring at the Hudson River for a really, really long time. Sequel to Shift. I'm not satisfied with my characterization here. I will try harder next time ;_;Cross-Posts: DW & AO3.
Passage
The further he strays into the winter black, the farther away everything feels. Zhou Mi is three weeks into life in Seoul and he's hungry and tired and alone in a silent, echoing way that he can't shake.
The nights last too long and he spends too little of them sleeping, staying up under fluorescent lights, smiling until his muscles hurt because he doesn't want to open his mouth, because he doesn't know what else to do. He sits in an abandoned room, fits kimchi into his mouth and misses everything he knows.
This is what he wants, though, and he knows that.
He throws out the take-out container, straightens his shoulders, adjusts his smile in the mirror, and heads back out.
--
He makes friends, of course—it's always been easy for him to make friends—and things become easier after that.
Harder, too, when he sees what happens to Henry.
"You're going to debut with the new subgroup," management says. "Super Junior-M."
He smiles and says "Thank you" because it's a conditioned response by now.
After the meeting, he heads straight to a practice room. He warms up briefly before slumping against the wall, a water bottle dangling from his hands. He doesn't know what to work on. He has no idea what they're going to sing.
"You're going to drop it," someone says.
Zhou Mi looks up and sees Kyuhyun standing in the doorway. They're not friends—they're barely even acquaintances—but they're going to be together every minute of the day now, sharing stages, plane cabins, hotel rooms.
When his answer is too long in coming, Kyuhyun walks over and plucks the water bottle from his fingers. He moves beside him to lean against the wall, tapping an idle rhythm against the plastic container. He looks up at the ceiling; Zhou Mi looks down; there is silence.
Eventually Kyuhyun rolls his head in Zhou Mi's direction. His gaze flicks to the side, hovers somewhere around Zhou Mi's right cheekbone, finally decides to meet his eyes like it's supposed to. "It's not so bad," he begins. "It's not much different from this."
Zhou Mi ducks his head to smile at the floorboards. "Everyone's been kind to me," he returns. "It's been very helpful."
Kyuhyun makes a noncommittal noise and they lapse again into silence. Then Kyuhyun frowns.
"I'm sorry." Zhou Mi glances up. "It's bad," Kyuhyun continues. "It's going to be bad. But you'll be okay."
Zhou Mi's expression drops, and Kyuhyun's eyes wander back to the ceiling, pretending to ignore Zhou Mi's stare.
"At least you'll speak the language," Kyuhyun mumbles, and Zhou Mi laughs, surprised and humorless.
"Thanks," Zhou Mi says. He means it.
"You're welcome," Kyuhyun says, and leaves. Zhou Mi moves away from the wall and sings his audition solo. He's found that when he doesn't know what to do, it's best to go back to the beginning.
--
In China, he spends more time introducing the others than he spends introducing himself. Oh, and everyone hates him.
He's glad he's so good at smiling.
He stands next to Kyuhyun when he's not playing host and soon realizes that Kyuhyun spends a lot of time staring into space.
"What are you thinking about?" Zhou Mi whispers at last.
"Mario Kart" is the instant reply.
Zhou Mi turns, curious. "Who do you play?"
Kyuhyun blinks at him. "Peach," he says. When Zhou Mi laughs, he shakes his head. "My sister made me when we were kids and I got used to it. Who do you play?"
"Mario," he says. "I used to play on the N64."
"I still have mine in my room at home," Kyuhyun says, "but—"
Kyuhyun stops when Siwon nudges him and diverts his attention back to the show host. He turns to Zhou Mi for a translation and for the first time, Zhou Mi can't deliver because he wasn't listening, either. Han Geng jumps in and the awkward moment passes.
"Play you later," Kyuhyun says.
"I don't have a DS."
"Borrow Henry's."
So he does.
--
Ryeowook is making breakfast and Kyuhyun is being insufferable. He takes the eggs before Ryeowook can crack them into the bowl, steals bites of leftover rice, and turns the stove off when Ryeowook's back is turned.
Zhou Mi stops in the doorway, smiling at the scene but feeling like an intruder. He takes a step back and Ryeowook sees him. "Zhou Mi hyung," he says, "Help."
Zhou Mi laughs and pulls away from the doorframe when Kyuhyun turns to look at him. "Han Geng ge told me to wake everyone up," he says. "Want to help?"
Ryeowook heaves a sigh of relief.
Kyuhyun's idea of a wake-up call is to pelt Donghae and Henry with pillows until they retaliate. Zhou Mi backs away, laughing, as Henry leaps off the bed with his pillow raised over his head and Donghae tackles Kyuhyun from behind.
It's not a fair fight, though, because it's one against two. Zhou Mi's conscience prickles.
Donghae stumbles when a pillow slams into the back of his head. He turns to Zhou Mi, shocked, and Kyuhyun uses that moment to steal Donghae's pillow.
It's still not an even match: Zhou Mi's long limbs give him a natural advantage and Kyuhyun's the best fighter, anyway. They're about to win when Han Geng and Siwon burst in, pick Henry and Kyuhyun up, and drag them to the kitchen, where Ryeowook has been trying to call everyone to breakfast for the past ten minutes.
Donghae spends most of breakfast picking feathers out of his hair, and Kyuhyun spends most of breakfast grinning. So does Zhou Mi.
When Kyuhyun bumps his shoulder and asks him to pass the rice, their hands find each other conspiratorially under the table. Zhou Mi doesn't think about it. It feels natural, somehow.
--
Kyuhyun says something, but Zhou Mi can't hear it over the high-pitched whine of the plane's engines. "What?" he says.
Kyuhyun frowns and adjusts his headphone. "Stop moving so much," he says. "You keep pulling it out of my ear."
"Oh. Sorry," Zhou Mi says. He pauses for a moment, then says, "You listen to a lot of ballads."
"I sing a lot of ballads," he says. "I'm trying to find a good solo."
"'Forgive Me?'" Zhou Mi suggests.
Kyuhyun looks up, interested. "Who's it by?"
"Jam Hsiao." Zhou Mi digs out his iPod and swaps it with Kyuhyun's. "Here." Kyuhyun looks on curiously as Zhou Mi flips through his playlist. They fall quiet to listen, and Zhou Mi watches as Kyuhyun's eyes close and his finger taps the beat against the page.
"We're friends," Zhou Mi says suddenly.
Kyuhyun hums a few notes before he opens his eyes. "Of course we are," he replies.
--
Zhou Mi's hands are shaking, so he crosses his arms and tightens his fingers around his elbows, bows his head and smiles. Kyuhyun's hand is on his shoulder, squeezing harder the longer the show goes on.
In the dressing room, Zhou Mi lets out a long, slow breath and drops into a chair, his cheery expression splintering. He hears someone come in and he straightens, but Kyuhyun's already walking towards him.
Kyuhyun rests his hands on Zhou Mi's shoulders. They stare at each other in the mirror, both expressionless: Kyuhyun's that way by default, and Zhou Mi can't figure out what he wants his face to be saying right now.
"I like you," Kyuhyun says, and then his eyes narrow, unsatisfied. Zhou Mi watches as Kyuhyun licks his lips and tries to find the right words, but comes up empty.
"I like you too," Zhou Mi says after a while.
Kyuhyun stares at him for a moment before his mouth pulls into a half-smile. "Yeah."
Zhou Mi reaches up and grabs Kyuhyun's hands, pulling them down until their fingers overlap. "Just be yourself," he hears Kyuhyun say. "You'll be okay."
He nods, but doesn't let go.
--
Zhou Mi is washing the dishes. Kyuhyun is helping, and by helping he means returning every other plate Zhou Mi hands him to dry because he says it's not clean enough, and flicking dish water until Zhou Mi's clothing is damp and the soap makes him itchy for hours afterwards.
Zhou Mi sees Kyuhyun looking for him across the stage. When he finds him, he walks over and drags Zhou Mi back to the group. You belong here, he says with a glance. Zhou Mi rests an arm around his shoulders and leans on him as they listen to Han Geng. He whispers something, and Kyuhyun's eyelashes droop in acknowledgement.
Zhou Mi is half asleep when he feels Kyuhyun slip in beside him. He wordlessly shifts to make room, and Kyuhyun uses Zhou Mi's shoulder as a pillow and mumbles "Good night." They stay that way until morning.
Zhou Mi reaches for Kyuhyun, and Kyuhyun smiles and closes his eyes. Holding Kyuhyun's hand becomes the habit that Zhou Mi defaults to, leaving his smiles free to be heartfelt.
Zhou Mi is leaning on Han Geng's shoulder and laughing, laughing so hard, and he looks up and Kyuhyun is staring at him with an expression he's never seen before.
--
Zhou Mi and Kyuhyun are watching a late-night movie under the guise of tutoring. The movie is terrible, and they're both exhausted, and after a few minutes of silence Zhou Mi mumbles a question only to realize that Kyuhyun has fallen asleep. The TV casts shifting light on Kyuhyun's pale skin, illuminating the bumps and hollows of his too-thin wrist as it curls carelessly around Zhou Mi's arm, fingers clutched tight in his thin shirtsleeve.
Zhou Mi smiles and reaches up to brush Kyuhyun's hair away from his face. Kyuhyun doesn't move. The light flickers across his lips, and it's not the first time Zhou Mi has realized that Kyuhyun is beautiful, but it's the first time the thought has stuck in his throat.
Perhaps Kyuhyun's honesty has rubbed off on him—perhaps he simply doesn't feel the need to lie to himself. He dips his head, breathes in the scent of the stylists' shampoo, and pulls Kyuhyun a little closer.
"Okay," Zhou Mi breathes, his lips moving against the soft black strands.
--
Kyuhyun taps Zhou Mi's shoulder and points out beyond the stage. Zhou Mi shields his eyes from the glare and looks; Kyuhyun does too, pointing again. Finally, Zhou Mi sees his name transcribed in sapphire lights.
"You'll be okay," Kyuhyun says for the last time.
--
Kyuhyun is out practicing and Zhou Mi can't sleep. He stands up and crosses to the window, separating the blinds with two fingers and letting a shaft of light spill across his face. They're up on the hotel's highest floor, and from here Zhou Mi can see the whole city spread out, drawn in lights that reflect against the clouds.
When his cell phone buzzes, he bends to pick it up. I'm coming back, Kyuhyun's text message says.
Zhou Mi types, I'm here.
Why aren't you sleeping?
I'm waiting for you. ^^
You should sleep.
You should too! You haven't been sleeping well.
I've been thinking.
Zhou Mi perks up at that. About what?
There's no reply.
--
When Kyuhyun gets into bed, Zhou Mi tucks himself around him and says, softly, "About what?"
Kyuhyun stiffens, but doesn't say anything. Minutes tick by, it's warm under the covers, and Zhou Mi is tired, but he fights to keep his eyes open because Kyuhyun is wide-awake and wary in his arms.
Finally, he hears Kyuhyun take in a sharp breath, but all that follows is silence. His eyes are just starting to close when Kyuhyun says "I—" and stops.
Zhou Mi's eyes blink open again.
Kyuhyun reaches for Zhou Mi's hand. "I. I like you," he whispers, small.
Zhou Mi kisses the back of Kyuhyun's neck and listens to Kyuhyun's breath stutter. Then he does it again, just because he can. As Kyuhyun rolls to face him, he interrupts the movement by kissing his ear, his cheek, his nose, the corner of his mouth.
"I love you," Zhou Mi whispers in Chinese. He leans in and the last thing he sees are Kyuhyun's lips parting, illuminated by the dim light from the window.
// written 30 Nov 2010 to 6 Dec 2010
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